Belonging

Being widowed, with a child, and only 29 is not easy. It gets even more complicated when you throw church into the mix. It's hard to know where you belong. With the 70 year old widows? With the young, newly married moms who are also just having their first child? With the singles? I have often struggled with my situation, thinking "This isn't where I am supposed to be. I am supposed to be at an Air Force base, with John."

As I look back over the last 3 or so years, I realize that I am beginning to understand how the Spirit talks to me. When I moved into the ward where John and I met, the first week I had an overwhelming sense of belonging there and that I needed to move into the ward boundaries so that I could attend that ward. It was unmistakable. I followed that prompting and was blessed.

After John and I had been married for six months, we felt a strong prompting that it was time for us to start our family. Despite many reservations, we followed that prompting and have been blessed.

I spent a year and a half looking for a place to live, and when I found my condo I felt the Comforter telling me, "This is it. This is where you belong." I followed that prompting, and I have already been blessed.

Shortly after moving in, I had to decide which ward to attend. Go back to the singles wards? Or go to the home ward with Johnny. I tried going back to that singles ward a few times. And while church is church, and the Spirit was present, I didn't feel that sense of belonging, or that Comforter whispering to me that this is where I should be. I then went to my family ward, and felt something. I felt that still, small voice whispering, "This is where you belong."

Last Saturday I was invited to a girl's night out with six other women from my home ward. They were doing dinner and a movie. Now, I just had my tonsils out and was not feeling the best, but I really felt like I should go. I don't know many people and felt like this would be a good opportunity to make some friends. I went, and had a good time.

Today I got a call from one of the girls that I met that night. She invited me to an Institute class tonight. It's a new Institute for mid-singles 27-40 in the Davis County area. As I was sitting there tonight singing I Stand All Amazed, the Spirit spoke to my heart and said, "You are loved, I know you, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be." My emotions overcame me. As I feel the burden of my trials so much, it was such a tender mercy to have my Savior gently remind me that He is in control, and my life is as it should be.

Getting older is an interesting thing. I know we all like to think of ourselves as younger, and we joke about wishing we were 22 again. But tonight I was grateful for the years behind me and the lessons those years have taught. And I am grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, who will guide us if we will listen. Life can be so confusing, trying to navigate between all our worldly concerns and preconceived ideas of how things are "supposed" to be. I know that if we will follow the whisperings of the Spirit, we will find ourselves exactly where we should be. So that eventually, we will be with Him.